


Repine

by HeavyHeartstrings



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Family, M/M, Romance, Sad-ish, alternate post canon, lea cries a lot, softer than ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 16:42:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18265310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavyHeartstrings/pseuds/HeavyHeartstrings
Summary: Five times Lea choked up.





	Repine

**Author's Note:**

> so...this was originally planned in my head to be like...2,000 words max. then i just went with it and well, here we are.
> 
> also i changed the ending cause they did kairi DIRTY.

one: the first night.

It takes quite a bit of time for Lea to adjust to the new reality that his friends are back. Of course when they had their initial reunion it was all tears and hugs, Lea holding both Xion and Roxas so close like they would slip through his fingers again at any point in time if he let go. Xion was the first to say anything, telling Axel (he didn’t have the heart or the care to correct her in the moment) that she was struggling to breathe from his tight grip. Roxas had laughed-the muffled sound vibrating against his chest as the blond’s face was still buried into the redhead’s leather cloak- and that’s all it took for Lea to fully grasp that his best friends were back. They were here. They were real.

Or at least- he thought that he fully grasped that reality.

With the final fight drawing near, Lea had forced himself to keep his mind sharp and focused on the task of defeating Xehanort. He found himself glancing at the two (Roxas more frequently if he was honest) often though, unable to diminish the fear that if he wasn’t paying attention something would happen to either one of them and Xion and Roxas would be taken away from him once again. It already almost happened to Kairi, having nearly been kidnapped by Xemnas after the fight against Isa.

Fortunately, no one succumbed to any tragic fates and they were all able to return to the Mysterious Tower in one piece. All of them were exhausted though, nearly collapsing from exhaustion and eager to seek rest for the night. Lea found himself unable to get comfortable like the others though, standing by a window in the gummi ship and staring out at the various worlds and stars as Riku piloted next to him. Sora initially offered to fly them back, but as soon as he sat down in a seat the brunet fell unconscious with a loud snore. He was about to be awakened with a knock to the head from Donald’s staff before Riku laughed and halted the duck, proclaiming he would pilot them back.

There wasn’t enough room in the gummi ship for them all to claim a seat, leaving quite a few of them to make themselves comfortable on the ground. Roxas and Xion were among them, the two sitting side-by-side against the wall of the ship and dozing off. Lea smiled at them, but couldn’t find it in himself to go over and disturb their rest.

Even though the longer he stared at them, the more he felt his resolve crack and his finger started tapping against his leg.

“You know, I really thought you’d be glued to their sides.” Riku commented to him quietly, his eyes focused on the dark skies around them.

It took Lea a second to realize he’d just been spoken to, but when he did the redhead reacted quickly and flicked his usual playful persona on. “Oh I couldn’t come between that. I mean, look at them,” he teases, gesturing to the two. Xion had moved her head to rest against the blond’s shoulder. “How could I interrupt that?”

Riku spared a glance towards the two, then remained silent for a moment before he murmured, “I’m not sure who you’re trying to front, but they’re probably all asleep right now.”

Lea blinked at the side of the silver-haired teen’s face, momentarily struck by his blatant call-out. Riku saw right through him with ease; was he that bad at hiding it? Then he frowned slightly, having forgotten how smart-mouthed the guy could be at times.

Not trusting what would come out of his mouth if he was honest, Lea remained quiet and crossed his arms as he turned back to the window of the ship, staring out at the dark skies once again. He could make out the barest of reflections in the glass, his eyes focusing on Roxas and Xion behind him with ease. His gaze lingered over Roxas, the blond’s chin tilted up as he rested against the ship with a small smile on his face. Lea couldn’t help the smile that crept upon his face at the sight; the blond looked like he didn’t have a care in the world. Like he was just happy to be alive.

That last thought made him tense for a moment.

“You didn’t become a somebody again so you could pretend to not feel.” Riku said to him immediately following the thought, deciding to continue talking despite the redhead’s silence. Lea felt like he was being lectured by a wise old man (which wasn’t so ridiculous considering Riku’s hair was already silver), but it didn’t stop the way his chest got tight suddenly at the words. Riku was right, Lea _knew_ that.

But he also knew that a constriction around his throat started to build slowly, like a snake had coiled its way around his windpipe and began binding. He forced himself to look down from the reflection and pursed his lips, beginning to chant mantras of keeping himself together in his mind.

“I know that,” he muttered lowly as if to emphasize his thoughts, clenching his jaw.

“If you say so,” Riku responded quietly, his tone alluding to the opposite. But the silver-haired teen said nothing else further to Lea, to which he was thankful.

As the silence stretched again, the redhead lowered his arms back at his sides with a quiet sigh in resignation. He pivoted around the stare at Roxas and Xion again, pausing for a moment longer before crossing the distance and sitting on the unoccupied side of the blond quietly. Apparently not quiet enough though, because as he lowered himself the blond stirred carefully, blinking his weary eyes halfway twice and looking to Lea.

The redhead gave him a sheepish look, preparing to apologize to Roxas for waking him until the blond smiled tiredly at him. His hair was sticking around in different directions, eyes bleary and pupils dilated, but Lea thought he never looked better. Especially when Roxas gave him a sleepy grin.

“Hey,” the blond said to him quietly, still smiling.

Lea swallowed thickly, unable to not smile back. “Hey,” he responded just as quiet.

Roxas said nothing else, instead closing his eyes and leaning himself against the redhead. Then Lea had to bite his lip, because now he fully grasped the reality of things and despite drawing blood into his mouth, was unable to help the few tears that escaped him as he leaned his head against Roxas’ and closed his eyes to try and rest.

_they’re home._

* * *

two: the celebration dinner

It was Kairi’s idea, naturally. She thought there was no better way to celebrate everyone’s return and reunions than with a formal get together. The girl had somehow managed to get Ansem to agree to hosting the event in the Radiant Garden castle, then immediately began calling everyone on their gummi phones to arrange a date. She was able to get everyone confirmed to the dinner within a week.

Sora was the one tasked with picking up Lea, Roxas and Xion up in Twilight Town, meeting the three in front of Central Station with his gummi ship. As he approached the area, Lea couldn’t help but feel underdressed compared to Xion’s pretty, black dress and ballet flats as well as Roxas’ pair of dark slacks, fitted, grey sweater and tan leather shoes. He resisted the urge to look down at his own appearance, simply dressed in a black long sleeve tee, black pants and black boots. It’s not like he had much of a variation in style though. He’d worn black for over ten years; it felt weird trying to do otherwise.

When he was close by, Xion gave him and bright smile and greeted Lea with a hello. She had already got into the habit of calling him by his original name.

Roxas on the other hand, raised an eyebrow at him and quirked his mouth upward in the slightest of smirks.

“Do you own anything that isn’t black?” The blond teased him as Lea stopped in front of the two.

He felt a low chuckle rise from his chest, cocking his head to the side and shrugging his shoulders. “It looks good on me.” He commented simply.

Roxas rolled his eyes, while Xion giggled softly and nodded. Then Lea tilted his head towards the black-haired girl, continuing. “Plus, Xion is wearing all black too, what about her?” He teased with a wink towards the girl.

Xion continued to laugh, while Roxas grinned slightly. “Doesn’t count, the dress is completely different.” He retorts. “You on the other hand, look like you’re trying to start the next Organization.”

Then Lea laughed aloud, shaking his head and smiling at the two. He found himself unable to stop smiling now that they were back. He was becoming aware of the little things he missed while they were gone now too, like the playful banter. It was small, but still filled Lea’s chest with a warmth. When was the last time he felt that way? It felt so refreshing, being able to actually enjoy himself now and not be constantly plagued with anxious thoughts of failing to protect his friends and the repetitive feeling that he would never get them back.

His smile died on his lips as the thought crossed his mind, but Lea was quick to correct himself with a forced smirk. He was about to give the blond a retort when the engine of the gummi ship drew near, the sound catching his attention and causing him to look towards the sky. He brought an arm up to shield his face as the wind from the ship starting brushing against him from its landing. When it was stationed, Lea glanced back towards the other two with a smile, seeing the way Xion stared at the ship with awe. She was fascinated with the gummi ship, telling Lea and Roxas that after her first time riding in one she wanted to learn how to pilot them.

But as Lea’s gaze trailed back to Roxas for a moment, he noticed that the blond was giving him an inquisitive gaze. His sapphire eyes seemed to read Lea like an open book, narrowing a little bit like he was about to say something to the redhead. Lea felt nervous at the stare, thinking that Roxas was too perceptive for his own good to pick up on such miniscule cues.

As the blond’s lips parted to speak, their attention was drawn to Sora, who had the door of the gummi ship open and was calling to them loudly. “Come on, we gotta go or we’ll be late!” He proclaimed.

Lea gave it no other thought, not bothering to look at Roxas again and started jogging lightly towards the ship. It was great timing on Sora’s part, because the redhead was not ready to having Roxas start interrogating him. He hadn’t forgot about the blond’s ability to do such a thing, recalling one of their last confrontations before Roxas deserted the Organization. With how badly things turned after that, Lea promised himself he would never keep anything from the blond. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t try to _avoid_ the confrontation. Even if he knew that wasn’t a great alternative.

Especially because as they travelled to Radiant Garden, he could practically feel Roxas’ gaze burning against his skin though the blond remained silent for its entirety. Sora and Xion filled the silence with their chatter, discussing the gummi ship’s design and newest upgrades. The black-haired girl took everything in with delight in her eyes, looking like she had discovered hidden treasures.

Lea was thankful for their lengthy conversation that continued to go on even as they arrived to Radiant Garden. He resigned himself to staring out at the world that was once his home, remembering various buildings and shops that existed when he was younger but were now lost to the destruction of the Heartless. It was the first time he’d been back to the world since he first awakened as a somebody, but in that time alone a lot of progress into the world’s reconstruction had been made. Lea faintly recalls Sora speaking about a “Restoration Committee” that lead most of the work. He wondered if they’d be at the dinner tonight too.

When the ship touched down and the engine was shut off, Sora practically leapt from his seat and pressed a button to open the doors. He grabbed his gummi phone and let out a nervous sound as he unlocked it.

“Oh no, Kairi’s called me four times already! We’re so late!” He exclaimed, starting to make a dash out of the doors as soon as they finished opening.

The other three laughed quietly at the brunet’s antics, running after him with a matched speed nonetheless. As they ran, Sora quickly called the auburn-haired girl back and huffed out in short breaths that they would be there in just a few minutes. Lea could hear her chewing Sora out in response, telling him that he shouldn’t have been napping on the beach earlier and the redhead had to suppress a laugh.

Once they were near the gates of the castle, Sora yelled to the guards to open it quickly so no more time could be wasted. When they ran by, the brunet saluted them with a quick flick of his fingers and thanked them as they continued to dash by. It was only when they were up the stairs and in front of the tall white doors that the four were able to have a moments rest, each of them panting heavily and attempting to catch their breath.

Dilan and Aeleus nodded to them as they approached, staying silent as they opened the doors for the four and instructed them where to go to locate the dining hall. Roxas and Xion craned their necks around them as they stepped inside the castle, taking everything with awe.

“It’s so beautiful.” The black-haired girl commented quietly, staring at the large chandelier adorned with glowing lights. Lea remembered feeling the same way when he first entered the castle so long ago, being struck with shock at how such a magnificent building could exist. Now, he’d been to so many different worlds and seen so many things, it wasn’t easy to stir such a response out of him. In all honestly though, being in the castle like this made Lea think of how his whole life changed the day he set foot in it.

When they arrived to the dining room, they were met with a large open space with a long table nearly fully occupied by the others who were invited to the dinner. The chatter in the room fell to a hush until they recognized who arrived, each of them calling out various greetings. Lea took them all in with a nod, not recognizing all of them but paused when he saw Namine sitting next to Kairi on the far end of the table. The blond girl stared at the four who of them with an endearing look as she stood up quietly.

Kairi stood up as well, walking arm and arm with Namine towards them. Lea glanced at Xion and Roxas who looked just about as shocked as he did, their eyes wide in amazement. Sora simply laughed, folding his hands behind his head as the girls approached.

“We wanted to surprise you guys.” Sora commented.

Roxas simply blinked his wide eyes as if he was an owl, between the brunet and the two girls coming closer. A grin began to form on Xion’s face as the reality of the situation sunk in for her.

“I think you surprised us all right,” Lea commented, quirking his mouth upwards at the two.

Xion was the first to approach Namine, grasping the blonde’s hands excitedly and greeting her. Namine matched her enthusiasm with a shy smile, giggling with Xion and speaking to the girl quietly. Lea stared at the two with an interested gaze, watching Roxas approach more calmly and regarding her return with a warm smile. Namine removed one of her hands from Xion’s grip to rest on the blond’s shoulder lightly, telling Roxas that she missed him and it was amazing to see them both again. Lea decided to stay back, content with observing from the sidelines.

Until Namine poked her head from around Xion, staring at Lea with an inviting gaze. “Hello, Axel.” She called to him gently.

He crossed his arms and gave her a slight smirk despite feeling his chest get tight. Seeing Namine for the first time in so long reminded him of the things he had done not so long ago and the wrongs he committed. How cold and hollow he used to be; it made him begin to feel anxious.

“Namine. It’s a pleasure to see you again.” Lea said to her, masking his feelings as he approached the group.

“You guys know each other?” Sora asked.

Lea and Namine shared a quick look before the blonde spoke up first. “Our paths crossed at one point or another.” She offered. Lea was thankful for the vague comment, not wanting to relive the memories any further.

Kairi quickly ushered them all to the table, filling the rest of it and then took her own seat on the far side of the table with Sora following along to sit near Riku. Lea sat with Namine on his left and Aqua on his right, nodding to the girl with a quiet greeting. Directly across from him sat Roxas, who was again giving the redhead an inquisitive look as if he noticed something change within Lea again.

So, the redhead looked to his side at Namine, making light conversation with her as food begun being brought to them by the kitchen staff. Laughs were heard throughout the table when Sora cooed in appreciation at all of the different kinds of food were placed across the large table. After about midway through their meal, Kairi stood up once more and waited patiently until everyone’s attention was caught and the chatter fell to a silence.

The auburn-haired girl smiled softly before she spoke. “Really quick, I wanted to make a toast.” Kairi said to them, picking up her glass. Lea and the rest of the people at the table reached for their own, holding them as she continued.

“We’ve all experienced so much sadness, pain and regret over such a long time. But through all of our actions, our endurance and our hearts, we were able to save our friends and set things right. None of it could have been achieved without each and every one of you.” Kairi said, her voice gentle but confident. She took a moment to breathe before continuing. “So, thank you. And I’m so happy we’re all here together.” She finished.

With that, cheers and praise began blooming from the table in agreement with the auburn-haired girl’s words. Lea found himself frozen for a moment or two after her speech, unable to pry his eyes from Roxas. When Kairi spoke, the redhead stared at Roxas and with each of her words Lea felt the emotions inside of him well up again. He could feel that it was at a point where he wouldn’t be able to hold himself together anymore, so the redhead excused himself quietly after the toast and tore his gaze away from Roxas as he stood up. Lea kept his gaze down as he walked towards the exit, watching his legs carry him with every step through blurry vision and mentally repeating to himself to _keep it together_.

As soon as he was out of the room though a quiet sob wrenched through his chest and Lea started stalking as far away as he could from the dining room, not wanting anyone to stumble upon him and start asking questions. He didn’t pay any attention to where he was going, instead trying to keep himself under control and wiping away the hot tears that seemed to fall down his face immediately again. He was pleased to see that there were no other guards patrolling around the castle where he was, not wanting to deal with that kind of a confrontation either.

Eventually Lea found himself in front of a set of doors, pushing them open without a thought and trailing inside. He came to recognize it as the library, staring at the numerous tall shelves completely packed with various books and texts. Pausing for a moment to listen and look around, the redhead was relieved to see that no one seemed to be occupying the giant room. He stalked through the shelves and over to a simple wooden table underneath a large staircase in the room, sitting in the single chair and leaning back in it with a shaky sigh. He sniffled slightly and wiped at his face hastily again, attempting to steady his breathing and get all of the emotions out quickly so he could return to the dinner. He had a feeling Roxas and Xion would come looking for him if he was gone too long.

The click of the door handle being opened from across the library signalled that they probably had just followed behind him the entire time, making Lea curse quietly and wipe at his eyes again. He was thankful the library were shelves arranged in strange ways, giving him a couple more seconds to try and get himself together.

“Axel-wait, no Lea?” Roxas called into the quiet room. His slip up made Lea let out a breath of amusement, pausing for a moment to take one more breath before responding.

“Yea, I’m here Roxas.” He called back, thankful for his voice sounding steady.

The sound of the blond’s quiet footsteps drew near and shortly following them he saw Roxas appear from around the corner of a bookcase. The blond came towards him with his hands in his pockets and paused a few feet in front of Lea, staring at him.

“You alright?” The blond asked hesitantly, frowning slightly at him.

Lea broke eye contact first, his eyes trailing to the side as he brought a hand to rub the back of his head sheepishly. “Uh, yea I guess.” He murmured quietly. The words were not convincing in the slightest, something he could tell as they left his lips.

Roxas was silent for a moment before drawing himself closer with light steps. The blond leaned against the table, his arms crossed in front of him. When Axel looked up to meet his eyes again, he could practically feel the skepticism radiating off of Roxas.

He froze when the blond reached an arm out, brushing away a tear with one of his fingers. “What’s this then?” He asked easily, pulling his arm back and resting it at his side.

The simple action caused Lea’s face to warm up slightly, swallowing thickly and shaking his head. “Promise you won’t laugh?” He asked in return, unable to look at the blond.

“I promise.” Roxas said, his tone full of patience and sincerity.

Lea took another breath before looking up to the blond. “It’s…hard for me to be around you and Xion sometimes.” He admitted quietly.

 He saw the way Roxas’ eyes widened slightly in surprise, quickly followed by a deflated look and the sapphire blues shifted their focus on a nearby bookshelf. “Oh.” He said flatly.

The blond’s reaction was enough for Lea to stand up quickly. “What- no not like that.” He clarified, resting an arm on Roxas’ shoulder. The blond’s uncertain eyes met his again and Lea gulped slowly before he continued, his grip on Roxas’ shoulder growing a bit. “I mean…it’s just sometimes I get choked up when I think…” He trailed off, beginning to feel his eyes water again.

He cursed, lowering his head and forcing himself to finish despite his shaky voice. “When I think about how much I missed you guys. And then Kairi had to go and make that heartwarming speech, and I-“ he paused for a second to get back on track. “I’m just really happy you’re back.” He finished.

He spared a glance to Roxas after speaking, waiting for the blond to say something in return. He didn’t choose to speak, instead stepping closer and wrapping his arms around Lea tightly. He felt Roxas rest his forehead against the redhead’s shoulder (when did he get taller?) and some of his spikes brushed against Lea’s chin. A moment later the blond pulled away to punch him in the shoulder lightly.

As Lea flinched back from the hit, he saw the crease formed between the blond’s eyebrows. “You scared me for a second there.” Roxas explained with a strain in his voice that Lea didn’t miss, looking down.

He gave the blond an empathic gaze. “I know, I’m sorry. Still trying to figure out how to deal with all these things I forgot how to feel.” Lea said lowly.

Roxas nodded in understanding, taking a deep breath. “It’s okay, me too.” He replied. Then he looked up to Lea again with a serious gaze. “But you don’t have to figure it out alone. We’re all here for you. _I’m_ here for you. Always.” The blond said endearingly.

Lea pursed his lips tightly and had to shake his head with his eyes closed, waving his arms dismissively at Roxas as he felt more fresh tears appear at the blond’s words. He heard Roxas let out a quiet noise of amusement, then the blond’s arms were once again wrapped around him.

“You promised you wouldn’t laugh.” Lea managed to get out through his sniffles, wrapping his arms around Roxas and resting his chin on the blond’s head.

“I didn’t laugh,” the blond denied against his chest, his voice muffled. “I just didn’t know you cared this much.”

“I always have.” Lea admitted and it actually felt really good. “I always will.”

“Good. Cause I’m the same way.” Roxas murmured against him softly. Lea felt the blond relax into his arms for another moment before he pulled away.

“Now come on, let’s go finish eating.” He encouraged with a smile that was full of radiance. A smile that made Lea’s heart beat like a steady drum, the pounding vibrations in his chest somehow making their way up into his ears until he was fully enveloped in it. Then, his mind finally pieced it together.

_i cherish him like no other._

* * *

three: the sleepover

“A sleepover? What’s that?” Xion asked him immediately after he suggested it.

Lea scratched the back of his head with a pained groan at such a response. “Man, there are so many things I have to teach you guys!” He proclaimed, but not in an annoyed manor. They had already completed the beach day and even went to Disney Town for a weekend, but there were so many things they still had to do. Perhaps they would need to create a list of things soon.

“Sleepovers are the best!” Lea continued. “You bring all the blankets out to the living room, camp out in front of the t.v all night, eat junk food and watch movies until you pass out!”

“Oh, I get it. You’re ‘sleeping over’ at a friend’s place.” Roxas mused, piecing the meaning together.

Lea snapped his fingers at the blond. “Bingo. We can have it at my place, tomorrow night!” He offered excitedly.

With that, the plans were set into place and the redhead actually found himself looking forward to the get together. He made sure to pick up various snacks and treats for the evening, and even moved the coffee table and brought out his pillows and blankets to the small living room ahead of time. He didn’t have the biggest place, but they would be fine to sleep there for the night.

When knocking was heard on his door later on, Lea was pulling a pizza out of the oven and so he yelled for them to come in. When he glanced over his shoulder, he saw Roxas and Xion enter with small smiles, waving to the redhead and removing their shoes.

“Just in time!” He started, setting the pizza down to cool off and removing his oven mittens before turning to face the two. Then he raised an eyebrow at them when he saw their lack of bags.

“You guys didn’t bring pjs?” He asked.

“We were supposed to do that?” Xion asked with a tilt of her head. She looked at Roxas who shrugged in response, clearly having had no idea either.

Lea was unable to let a few chuckles escape him, shaking his head. “Don’t worry about it, I’m sure I’ve got something you guys can wear.” He offered.

Shortly later, Xion came out of the bathroom in one of his t-shirts that was much too large for her and a pair of shorts that came just past her knees, Lea couldn’t stifle the laughter that bubbled from him. Xion gave him a surprised look before furrowing her eyebrows and huffing at the redhead with a cross of her arms.

“What did you expect? You’re nearly twice the size of me!” The black-haired girl protested.

Lea’s chuckles slowly died in his throat and he coughed to try and hide the last few. “I know, I know. It’s a good look for you though, promise.” The redhead assured with a wink. He saw Xion roll her eyes and stalk towards the t.v to sit on the scattered blankets and pillows, purposely ignoring the teasing redhead.

A moment later he heard the sound of his bedroom door opening and Roxas stood in the doorway with his hands in the pockets of one of Lea’s baggy black sweaters and track pants that were fitted on himself but loose on the blond.

“We need to take you shopping for other clothes.” Roxas commented dryly as he stepped towards the living room.

Poor Lea was stuck in his tracks as he stared where the blond was just moments ago with a dazed expression, the teasing look from earlier long gone. If he would have known that seeing Roxas in his clothes would cause him to momentarily flatline like he just did, he most definitely would not have suggested it in the first place.

In an attempt to make up for the silence that followed the blond’s words Lea forced himself to laugh in response, but to his dismay it came out very strained and unlike his usual one. Both Xion and Roxas gave him an odd expression, Xion tilting her head to the side in confusion and Roxas quirking an eyebrow at the redhead.

Lea simply coughed into his fist to try and hide his warming face, waving dismissively. “Anyhow, let’s pick out our first movie.” He muttered, walking to grab the remote.

Several movies and lots of food later left the trio exhausted and ready to sleep, and they all decided to stay on the ground among the pillows and blankets for the night. Lea offered his bed and the couch to Xion and Roxas, telling them it would probably be more comfortable that way. But the two of them declined, saying that it wouldn’t be a true sleepover if they didn’t camp out in front of the t.v for the night like Lea said. He could only laugh in amusement and agree with them.

They were on their fourth, (maybe fifth?) movie of the night when Lea realized he was the only one left awake. He raised himself up quietly to peek at the two to check that they were indeed sleeping, seeing both of them laying still with their eyes closed. Lea couldn’t resist the small smile that tugged on his face, rearranging the blankets that were sliding off of Xion’s shoulder. He stood up carefully and made his way to the kitchen, pausing in front of a cupboard to retrieve a glass and fill it with water.

He rested himself against the counter as he drank from the cup, faintly paying attention to the glow of the t.v giving off the only traces of light in the room. Lea felt his gaze trail towards Xion and Roxas again, settling it on the blond and beginning to tap his finger on his glass anxiously. Roxas was sleeping on his side facing Lea, the hood of his sweater pulled up as one of the blond’s arms supported his head from under the pillow.

Lea couldn’t help thinking back to the many nights he spent in the very space they were currently occupying, unable to fall asleep in the early hours of the morning. He often found himself sitting on the edge of the couch with his elbows resting on his knees while his hands supported his head, staring at the ground blankly as his mind replayed all of his failures and lies to his friends. The guilt was never ending, coupled with the pain that ripped through his heart when he thought back to his dream of Roxas when he first re-awakened as a somebody. He could hear the blond’s words,

_You made us a promise_

Over and over again like a mantra the reminded him of his defeat. _I know_ , he’d say to himself, unable to try and make excuses. Back then, life felt despairing and utterly hopeless. It wasn’t even that long ago that he was sitting alone in his empty apartment while the demons in his head whispered secrets of shame and sin into his ears.

Immediately recognizing the familiar sensation of grief building in his chest, Lea looked down into his cup as his with a serious gaze, taking the last sip of it and then setting the empty glass on the counter lightly. He pressed the heels of his hands into the edge of the counter and leaned into it forcefully, lowering his head as his throat starting tightening and his eyesight began blurring. He needed to get himself in better control of his emotions.

“Axel?” Roxas’ sleepy voice called to him.

Lea could have shaken his head and groaned in frustration right then, wondering how the blond managed to catch him at these vulnerable times with ease.

He heard the blond curse quietly at his slip up. “I mean- Lea?” He corrected.

The redhead smirked despite the overwhelming feelings inside of him, turning to Roxas. “Just call me Axel.” He whispered quietly.

Roxas sat up with a quiet yawn and a shake of his head, raising himself and walking towards Lea.

“I’ll get it eventually.” The blond insisted. As he approached, the redhead could see the tiredness in his eyes. Roxas paused when he got close and noticed Lea’s demeanor, immediately becoming more alert.

Before the blond could say anything though, Lea cut in. “I’m okay. Just…thinking.” He said lamely, unable to come up with anything better.

Roxas frowned at the redhead. “About what?” He asked, clearly not satisfied with his previous answer.

Lea exhaled quietly, crossing his arms and looking away. Then Roxas spoke up again quietly. “Me and Xion again?”

“Kind of.” The redhead offers. “More like, the way I used to be and feel when you guys…” He couldn’t even bring himself to finish the sentence.

But Roxas understood despite this, nodding to himself once or twice. Then Lea felt the blond’s hand wrap around his wrist as Roxas began leading him back to their sleeping area. The redhead didn’t put up a fight or say anything, simply following Roxas’ instruction when he points to the space Lea was lying earlier and lowering himself again. Then the blond lied next to him, facing the redhead and folding one of his arms under the pillow to support his head again.

“It must have been hard. Being by yourself.” Roxas whispered to him.

Lea shook his head back and forth, even though the blond’s words made a couple of tears roll down his face. He closed his eyes only to open them immediately when he felt Roxas grab his wrist again, bringing Lea’s hand to his chest. Roxas placed the redhead’s palm flat against his chest and then waited for a couple of moments.

“You feel that?” The blond asked him.

Lea nodded, feeling the vibration’s of Roxas’ heart beating against his chest. The rhythmic pulsing felt like it was shooting up the redhead’s fingers and into his arm with each _ba-bum, ba-bum_.

“It’s proof that I’m here, for good. That I’m my own person.” Roxas explained. “Xion has it too, you know that.”

Again, Lea chose to nod because he didn’t think his voice would be able to do much in the moment anyway.

“I’m not going anywhere, Lea. You won’t ever have to feel that way ever again.” Roxas said. “And soon… soon you’ll forget what it even felt like in the first place.”

Lea’s lip quivered slightly but he smiled regardless, nodding one last time as more tears escaped him. He watched the way Roxas’ hand moved from around his wrist to resting atop of Lea’s, his own hand still pressed against the blond’s chest. He felt the way Roxas’ thumb stroked the back of his hand like the action came as second nature to the blond and Lea’s heart leapt great lengths inside of him.

“Got your name right that time too.” Roxas added with a playful smile.

Lea could only chuckle quietly to himself and he stared at the blond with endearment.

 _i'll forget soon because you fill me to the brim with joy every day._  

* * *

interlude

Lea shot awake from his sleep and glanced around his dark room to the source of his disturbance, locating his gummi phone underneath a pillow and narrowing his eyes to try and distinguish the screen. His blurry vision straightened out after a second or two of blinking, only to recognize that it was Roxas who was calling him at 3:28 in the morning. He answered the call immediately, propping himself up on his forearm while his phone connected to the blond’s. Lea had to narrow his eyes slightly at the bright screen, the only source of light in the room illuminating his face.

“Hey,” Roxas said to him quietly when their calls finally synched. “Sorry to wake you.”

Lea shook his head back and forth. “S’fine. What’s up?” He asked groggily, running a hand through his spikes that stuck out all over the place when he looked at himself in the video chat. It must be something worthwhile for the blond to have called him so late.

Roxas was silent on the other line for a moment before his voice came through the phone quietly. “Had a nightmare.” He explained.

“Oh.” Lea said plainly. He sat up fully, staring at Roxas’ unsure expression on the screen. The blond’s eyes were cast away, and then the redhead continued. “Wanna talk about it?”

Roxas gave a grunt in response, not really giving Lea much of an indication if that was a yes or no. “Can you start with letting me into your place?” He asked.

The redhead furrowed his eyebrows at the screen. “You’re here?”

The blond nodded, turning his gummi phone around to show the front of Lea’s apartment door. The redhead threw the covers off of him hastily, standing to make his way to the front door.

“You should have lead with that.” Lea murmured to him as he exited his bedroom and approached the door. He ended their call and turned the handle to be met with the Roxas on the other side of the door, staring at his feet and not moving. Lea stared at him in silence for a moment, then after no indication of Roxas wanting to act first the redhead reached an arm out to the blond’s shoulder.  He pulled himself closer to the blond and wrapped his arm around his shoulders, hugging him close as his other arm rested on Roxas back. The blond didn’t wrap his arms back around Lea, but he buried his face into the crook of redhead’s neck and exhaled shakily.

After some time, he was able to get the blond settled into his couch and left him just for a moment to grab them both a cup of water. When he returned to the living room Roxas had brought his knees to his chest and was sitting with his back to the arm on the couch in the corner. The blond didn’t look up as Lea placed the cups on the coffee table gently and took a seat a couple feet away from Roxas to give him some space. Again, the redhead was given no suggestion that Roxas was going to say anything so the two of them simply sat in the dark in silence. Lea kept his eyes on the blond to try and get an idea of what he might have been thinking, but his eyes were fixated down and refusing to budge.

“I used to have nightmares a lot when I was a kid,” Lea started quietly. Roxas didn’t look to him as he spoke, so the redhead simply continued. “They would be things like me getting chased by monsters, or no one wanting to be my friend. You know, trivial stuff.” He explained.

“One day, I told Isa about the dreams and let me tell you, he would not stop making fun of me. Talk about kicking a guy when he’s down.” Lea recalled with a roll of his eyes. He noticed that Roxas was now staring at him with a sliver of amusement in his eyes and it made the redhead eager to continue.

“But then the day after that when we hung out, he gave me this Talisman. It was a small circle no bigger than a couple inches, with woven patterns inside of it that resembled a spider’s web. He told me if I hung it above my bed, it would catch all of the bad dreams like a web catches flies.” Lea finishes, secretly pleased that the blond had his full attention on him now.

“And? Did it work?” Roxas asks him softly, his voice low.

Lea brought a finger to his temple, scratching lightly. “Well, it did for quite awhile. I think it was more that I confided to a friend and he helped me cope.”

Then Roxas gave him a dry look. “Wow. You're not obvious at all, huh?” He questioned with sarcasm.

The redhead chuckled, shaking his head. “Yea, I really thought it would have transitioned smoother.” He says, still laughing and bit and seeing Roxas even do so for a moment.

Then Lea’s gaze became more focused, licking his lips. “But I’m serious. You’ve helped me when I opened up. Maybe I can do the same for you.” He offered.

The amusement on the blond’s face was swept away with the return to the original topic and Lea saw him swallow thickly. The redhead reached for one of the cups of water on the table, passing it to Roxas wordlessly. The blond accepted it, staring at the drink for a moment before taking a small sip. When he was done, he kept it closer to his face and leaned his head against the couch.

“It was about me.” Roxas said.

Lea blinked at the blond, who was now purposely not meeting his gaze and focusing it on something just past the redhead’s shoulder.

“Yea?” He asked in return, not wanting to pry too much.

“Yea.” Roxas affirmed. “It didn’t make much sense, but somehow I ended up losing my body and returning to Sora. No matter how hard Ienzo and the others tried, they couldn’t free me again.” He said.

Lea nodded as he spoke, watching how Roxas seemed to enter a completely different state of mind as he recalled the dream. His eyes seemed to glaze over with something hollow, something that made Roxas feel like a completely different person. He paused in his explanation for a moment, then seemed to snap out of it and took another sip of water. The blond nearly downed it entirely this time, pausing before lowering the cup again.

“Soon, everyone started to forget about me. Hayner, Pence, Olette, even Sora. The Xion did one day and soon…you were the only one left.” Roxas says, his voice beginning to weaken. Lea wasn’t completely sure, but he thought he saw the blond’s eyes becoming watered. Before he could confirm it, Roxas’ gaze lowered to the couch again.

“But then one day you did too. And even though everyone else did, knowing you forgot me hurt the most.” The blond said, clenching his glass tightly.

“Roxas,” Lea started quietly. “I could never forget you.” He reasoned.

“You can’t say that.” The blond bit back, shaking his head. “It happened with Xion. When she went away, everyone forgot her.” He retorted more calmly that time, a prominent sadness laced in his tone again.

Lea reached for the blond’s cup, taking it from Roxas gently and setting it on the table. Then he shifted himself closer to Roxas, and rested one of his hands on the blond’s knees that were still tucked to his chest. His action caught Roxas’ attention once more, his cerulean eyes concentrating on Lea. Then the redhead could tell that Roxas was indeed close to tears.

“We might have consciously forgot her, but the memories were still there. As soon as I saw her, I remembered.” Lea assured him. “I’d just have to go look at Ven, then I’d remember you right away.” He added with a wave of his free hand.

Then Roxas let of a small noise of amusement, baring the smallest of smiles as he shook his head. “You’re dumb.” He accused.

Lea gave him a fake look of hurt, purposely widening his eyes. “What? _You’re dumb_.” He shot back.

Then Roxas actually chuckled, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his fist for a moment as he caught himself. Then Lea gave him an encouraging smile. “Seriously. As if I’d ever let you escape me again.” He reminded the blond.

“I know.” Roxas said, shifting his legs slightly. Lea reached under his ankles to stretch the blond’s legs over his lap, relieving him of the uncomfortable looking position. “It just felt so real though.”

“Well anytime it happens again, you come here and I’ll give you proof that I haven’t forgotten you.” Lea comforted with a light pat to the blond’s leg.

Roxas was silent for a moment before his curious voice picked up again. “What kind of proof?” He asked.

The redhead blinked at him for a moment. The way Roxas asked him the question threw him off guard for a second before he scratched the back of his head. “I’ll tell you about all the reasons I wanted you back.” He suggested.

Then the blond nodded, smiling at his response. “Okay, deal. Can you tell me now, too?” He asked.

Lea shook his head, waving an arm back and forth. “No way. I’d start blubbering like a baby if I did.” He proclaimed confidently.

Roxas laughed a little louder this time, but continued to egg him on. “Oh come on, it’s not like I haven’t seen it before.” He challenged, bumping the redhead’s shoulder lightly.

The Lea gave him a flustered look, crossing his arms and huffing quietly. Roxas simply chuckled to himself, grabbing the blanket hanging over the back of the couch and wrapping it around his shoulders.

“Got some nerve there, calling me out and then stealing my blanket.” Lea muttered to him half-seriously, raising an eyebrow.

“I’ll be stealing your bed shortly too.” Roxas replied casually, standing up and walking in the direction of his bedroom. Lea could only stare at the back of the blond’s head in shock at his change of attitude again, clearly feeling better about the nightmare rather quickly. The redhead could only wonder if he had anything to do with that.

Then Roxas paused in his doorway, turning to give Lea a sideways glance. “You coming?” He asked.

The redhead raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m not sleeping on the ground.” He countered.

Roxas rolled his eyes. “I’m only stealing half the bed.” He elaborated, then turned back to enter his room without anything further.

Lea could only release a breath in amusement, shaking his head back and forth before standing up to follow in the blond’s footsteps and attempting to calm his racing heart down.

_i'd do whatever it takes to make him feel better._

* * *

 four: the anniversary

Lea sighed in relief as the sight of his apartment building came into view. It had been a very long and tiring day of travelling, having spent it with Sora who begged the redhead to tag along with him while he completed errands. Lea still wasn’t quite sure why the brunet needed him to be there along for the ride, but Sora had just continued to ask him until he finally said yes. The redhead never really found out what said errands actually _were_ in the end, but Sora assured him that the work that needed to be done was in fact done and he wouldn’t have been able to do it without Lea. _Right_.

Still, the redhead went along with it without protest, even though he was just eager to get back to Twilight Town by the second visit to Corona. Why Sora needed to go visit twice was again beyond the redhead.

Lea practically sprinted up the stairs two at a time, feeling a new burst of excitement at the thought of laying down on his couch and not having to listen to Sora ramble about all of the different people he’s met on his journeys. When he was in front of the door, Lea unlocked it quickly and swung the door open, only to be met with the sound of music playing from within the apartment and the aroma of something _delicious_ baking.

When he stepped in and saw Roxas standing in front of his counter with a surprised look on his face, Lea cocked his head to the side in confusion for a moment.

Roxas reacted first though, giving him an upset look. “What are you doing here!?” He cried out.

Axel narrowed his gaze in skepticism, pursing his lips a little bit. “Uh, I live here?” He asked in response.

“I know that.” Roxas responded to him flatly. Then he raised his arm to point at the redhead accusingly. “What I’m asking is, why are you back so early? I told Sora to keep you out till eight!” He accused.

Lea checked his gummi phone quickly, seeing that is was only 6:21 and couldn’t help the slight snicker before raising an eyebrow at Roxas. “So you were the one behind that?” He asked teasingly, crossing his arms and stepping closer to the blond. "And did you break into my apartment just to bake something?" He continued.

But Roxas held up his hands in front of him to Lea. “Wait.” He said quietly and the redhead listened, pausing in his tracks and letting his arms rest back at his sides. “This was supposed to be a surprise and Xion was supposed to be here, but at least let me kind of make it work.” The blond pleaded in a ramble.

Lea wasn’t sure what Roxas could have meant in his explanation, but chose to nod in response. The blond then told him to close his eyes and give him a few seconds. Again Lea complied, shutting his eyes and stuffing his hands into his pockets. He heard the sound of Roxas running back and forth a few times before he stopped, grabbing a hold of Lea’s arm gently and ordering him to start walking with his eyes still closed. The redhead allowed himself to be guided, then let out a grunt when his leg bumped the coffee table.

“Watch the table.” Roxas commented to him with amusement in his voice.

“Gee, thanks.” Lea replied dryly, but he laughed nonetheless.

After a few more seconds of Roxas placing him and then turning his shoulders to stand in the right area, the blond instructed him to open his eyes in a quiet but excited tone. Lea did as told, opening his eyes slowly and looking down at the coffee table that had a freshly iced cake placed atop of it and a card addressed to him written in the blond’s handwriting.

“There was going to be decorations, and the cake was supposed to say, ‘1 year reunited!’!” The blond explained with a quiet laugh. “But well, surprise.” He finished.

Lea just blinked at the cake, the card, the cake again and then finally up to Roxas. When he saw the blond’s flushed face that was full of affection and warmth, he immediately started feeling the tears coming and brought his hand up to his face in an attempt to mask it.

Roxas caught on immediately though, letting out an empathetic sound and wrapping his arms around Lea. The redhead felt himself leaning into Roxas, resting his chin atop of the blond’s head and keeping his eyes covered as he attempted to hold back a sob. Normally, Lea could tell when he was about to cry but this one just came out of nowhere and he was unable to try and hide it from the blond.

“Good cry?” He heard Roxas ask him quietly, his lips brushing against Lea’s neck.

“Obviously.” Lea managed to whisper, but then something inside of him snapped and he started bawling like a child. He buried his face in Roxas’ radiant golden spikes, feeling the blond’s arms tighten around him. He wondered if Roxas could feel his heartbeat running wild inside of him, unable to deal with all of the things he was feeling.

Perhaps it was all that needed to be communicated to Roxas though, because the blond continued to hold him as he got all of his tears out. It could have been thirty more seconds or a couple of minutes, but eventually Lea pulled away rubbing the heels of his hands against his eyes to wipe away the last of the tears and sighed shakily.

“Sorry,” he murmured sheepishly, still rubbing at his eyes.

Lea felt Roxas grasp his forearms gently, lowering his hands and staring up at him with a gentle gaze. “No apologizing for feeling.” He stated quietly, curling his mouth up.

The redhead almost started crying then and there for the second time, biting his lip and feeling his vision go blurry. After a few seconds of silence and a blink or two to get his sight back, Lea took a breath and swallowed thickly, nodding.

Roxas reached an arm up to wipe away a tear he missed, then Lea felt the blond’s hand comes to rest on his cheek lightly. He felt himself lean into the touch with ease, blinking down at the blond with a shy smile. He was sure his face was flushed, but right now it didn’t seem to matter in the slightest.

Because Roxas was flushing too and giving Lea a smile so bright his eyes sparkled like true blue skies. The redhead never wanted to forget the sight, using all of his might to store the memory. Then Roxas took the leap, pressing their lips together and making Lea’s heart burn with a fire that would last for the rest of his days.

_Roxas feels the same way._

* * *

five: minutes later

Lea licked his lips, sniffling lightly. “Man, glad I could get that out now.” He said, sniffling again.

But then a couple hours when they were eating cake and Lea was reading the letter Roxas wrote him, he definitely shed a couple more tears.

“Aw, Roxas! You made Lea cry,” Xion proclaimed accusingly.

Lea just laughed despite the tears in his eyes.


End file.
